Chapter 10

Cash was up the following morning bright and early with an agenda. He had his coffee brewing and his eggs in the fry pan. He knew that the ball was in his court concerning his next meeting with Negan, or so he thought so. He had no idea that Negan wasn’t one to look for an invite from anyone. He had showed up the first time unannounced. Cash should’ve take note. He had no idea that as he was changing the water in that jelly jar to keep his rose fresh that Negan was up and planning his day too and no, he wasn’t waiting for Officer Howlett to call or text much less to to magically appear to drink his liquor. He was going to him with that cat. The vet was coming by at 8 am to check River’s hooves and to give Officer Howlett’s new cat its vaccinations.  To say that Negan was clock watching was an understatement. He was unsure what he would act upon if at all but what he definitely wanted was to be in Officer Howlett’s company regardless. The cat was his excuse and he’d find an excuse every time. Tony watched his boss from across the grand room drinking his coffee looking out the window lost in his thoughts. Tony clenched his fists just chomping at the bit to say something. He knew that his boss needed to talk but had no one. If his boss only knew that he had not just a butler in him but a good friend too. They had spent nearly 10 years together. “Sir.” Tony announced from the threshold of the room. Negan turned with his cup. He knew that the vet had yet to arrive. That’s what had kept him at the window. “May I? Tony questioned seeking the approval for his interruption. Negan waved him in and turned back towards the window and listened to the leather soles of Tony’s shoes cross the wood floor. “It’s a beautiful morning.” Negan told Tony as he stood to his shoulder. “Indeed it is, Sir.” He agreed folding his hands behind his back to look out at the morning as well with his boss. Negan sensed something in Tony wanting to ask of something and figured that something to be a day off and in which case, done. He had every intention of driving himself to Officer Howlett’s cabin alone. “What is it, Tony?” Negan asked turning his head to look at Tony’s profile caught in the dawn. Now Tony wasn’t so sure of what his bravery would allow him of to speak freely. Since Tony didn’t readily answer Negan feared he was the bearer of bad news. “Is there something wrong? Emily? Ethan?” He questioned in concern. “No phone calls, Sir. Nothing like that.” Tony confirmed. Negan heavily sighed and looked to the window again. “Then what is it?” He asked and took a sip from his mug. Tony wasn’t sure how to go about this but he wanted his boss to know that he could talk to him. “May I have permission to speak freely, Sir?” He questioned and with that Negan already knew what was coming and straightened his tall and slender composure. He’d only had this conversation with one living soul and that had been with his wife, Emily. He knew that his younger brother, Nox, Emily’s new husband knew as well but they did not speak of it because of Negan’s refusal to acknowledge it. Negan had felt this coming from his butler periodically but he knew that now he supposed it would become his business. Especially if something were to peruse even though he highly doubted that it would. Tony would still be aware. Tony swallowed the golf ball in his throat. “Go ahead, Tony.” Negan offered raising his chin to the window and pressed his shoulder back. “I know that I’m your butler and devotedly so. I’ve served for you for 10 years and I’d hope that after all I’ve seen you threw that I’ve never swayed from that devotion.” Tony began. “Yes, this very true.” Negan agreed.   “but I’ve decided that I also want to extend to you my friendship.” Tony said squeezing his fingers behind his back so hard that they had began to bleat. “”As one gay man to another?” Negan questioned focusing on the empty street below them. Tony swallowed hard once more. He was at a loss of words having not expecting that confession from his boss in the slightest. “Well?” Negan asked in the wake of Tony’s silence and turned to look at his butler again. All Tony could do was nod once and it was slowly at that. Negan nodded in reply and the air became incredibly thick. Tony thought he’d choke. “Thank you.” Negan chose to accept and reached over to take Tony’s wrist that was planted against his lower back and firmly squeezed it to express gratitude. Tony closed his eyes feeling the squeeze and felt the tears burn his eyelids. This was a huge moment for his boss and to have shared that with him on a personal level was immense. Negan let Tony’s wrist go gently and regained his stature to look out the window. “I suppose that you’ve noticed that I’m very much interested in Officer Howlett.” Negan shared looking straight ahead for he could not look at Tony just yet. Tony slightly turned his cheek to Negan’s side profile and Tony knew that his boss was going to avoid any contact so he looked back towards the window as well. “Is the interest mutual, Sir?” He questioned boldly but if he didn’t ask it would kill him. He wanted this greatly for his boss. “I don’t know..” Negan trailed off sullenly “I’ve never acted upon this…” he paused again. “Feeling that I have.” He added. Tony nodded knowing that to be the truth. He had been with Negan almost immediately after his divorce. “I’m not sure that I can or even if I want to.” Negan admitted aloud. Tony wanted to scream that oh yes, you do, you do! But he couldn’t. He still had a level of respect to withhold and especially right now in as delicate of a state that he knew his boss was. “If I may be so bold, Sir, you deserve to be happy.” Tony added. “I have loved and I still do love my Emily.” Negan thought on. “Of course, Sir. And if I’m still at liberty to speak freely, she understands, Sir and loves you too and wants nothing more then for you to be happy. Sir.” Tony spoke and knew that to be true. Emily was a sweet and beautiful woman inside and out. Tony enjoyed his visits quite a bit upstate when he’d drive his boss to visit their son. She and Tony had become friends unbeknownst to his boss so he knew so much of her feelings and talk her threw her worried tears for her lost husband. Tony was her eyes and was ever so thankful that he was. Negan didn’t so much as have a cold and Emily not know of it even if his boss never knew and he didn’t. She and His boss both had refused to consider themselves ex’s because their love had never disappeared. On a piece of paper yes but in their hearts, never. She wanted so desperately for him to allow himself to find someone to care for him the way that she did so she no longer had to worry anymore. All Negan did was run and run. He saw himself as being gay as some sort of punishment because he loved his wife dearly but just couldn’t be the husband that she needed and deserved. He took comfort when his brother stepped in his place. Negan didn’t have to worry and Emily just wanted the same. “Emily wants you to be happy the way that she is.” Tony said swallowing his words down hard knowing that he may have gone entirely too far but that was the God’s honest truth and his boss needed to know it to be set free from whatever debt that he felt as though he may owe to her for being a gay man because that was not at all how Emily felt. Tony took it upon himself to look at his boss to express his confidence that he meant what he had said no matter what hat the repercussion may follow. “Emily.” Negan said quietly squinting his eyes and ran his fingers up under his glasses to pinch at his watering eyes. “She would be so happy to know that you’ve found someone who is of interest to you, Sir.” He said and rested his hand on his boss’s shoulder. Negan dropped his hand and sniffled to hold back his emotions but the whites of his eyes were already pink. “And he’s very handsome too, Sir.” Tony smiled. “You make for a smart and handsome match.” He added. Negan sighed and nodded that he understood. “Maybe.” He confirmed for Tony and Tony was immensely content with a maybe and Emily would be too.